Carissa Daniel

It's Not About You! Don't Take It Personally.

Relationships are both challenging and beautiful. These purposefully designed experiences, helps us to truly see ourselves, grow, develop and expand in ways, other experiences, do not allow.

I'm sure you would agree, it's very easy for us to misconstrue our loved ones' (and even strangers') choices or actions to be about us. We internalize them, believing it was something we did or said which determined their behavior. This is most obvious in situations we perceive as negative. 

Quite recently, I reached out to a friend, via Whats App,  who I had not seen for a while. I sent her a message and called but did not receive a response. I continued calling and messaging for several days but got no reply. Usually, in situations like this, my initial thought is, I hope all is well. I continued trying for several days, even reaching out via other mediums, when I got no response, I began thinking something was definitely up. 

I decided to reach out once again on Whats App and saw that my previous messages appeared to be read as evidenced by the blue ticks. At that time, I allowed myself to go down the rabbit hole of 'what did I do.' I admit it, my thoughts began obsessing about the possible reasons for her non-response because as far as I could remember, the last time we spoke we were on good terms.

Eventually, thankfully, I caught and stopped myself because what I was doing was non-productive, energy consuming and down right unhealthy. I reminded myself that someone else's actions or choices, even though they might appear to be directed to me, has nothing to do with me and there is absolutely no reason to take it personally. This reminder truly helped me to release and let it go.

So many of us are operating from a space of unawareness, old wounds and self-limiting beliefs. Just like you and me, our loved ones are on their journey trying to figure out their shit and find themselves. And sometimes, in the midst of all of that, they make choices or act in ways that are not always pleasing or welcoming. 

Releasing yourself from the burdens of carrying someone else's stuff, not only helps you to keep your power, it also helps to keep you sane and centered. And from this space of awareness, you can potentially help them.

There are instances, of course when our actions and behaviors do affect others negatively, sometimes unknowingly to us. Unfortunately, instead of this being directly and lovingly communicated, we become recipients of the infamous silent treatment, tense and sometimes hostile communication or a drastic change in interactions with the person. 

Even in these instances, I remind myself that it's still not about me. The person is choosing to react and not respond to me. Without carrying their baggage, in some instances, I may ask a question to encourage communication. However, in other instances, I simply allow the person the space to come to a resolve within themselves.

Reminding yourself that, 'It's Not About You! Don't Take It Personally' when faced with these inevitable relationship challenges, has the power to strengthen your relationships and encourage the growth and expansion of all parties.

Weeks later, my friend eventually returned my messages and calls. Without even  asking, she assured me that she was in fact going through some stuff and it had nothing to do with me. She just needed space. Go figure.