Replacing Forgiveness With Understanding
Often times we misconstrue a person's words and actions for the truth of who they are. We misinterpret their spoken words and chosen deeds as the sum total of their beingness. This habitual misdiagnosis leads to judgments, condemnations, unforgiveness, hurt and pain.
As once said by the ever wise Eckhart Tolle, "We are all on our journey of evolution." Each of us is constantly, changing, transforming, growing and evolving. It is the basic nature of who we are.
Based on our current body of information and current state of awareness at any given time, our thoughts, words and actions essentially align to that. And as our body of information and state of awareness changes, so too will our thoughts, words and actions.
This therefore alludes that no matter the current state of a person's expressions, i.e. their words and actions, they are continuously changing and evolving. Therefore ascribing and concluding that their current state is who they are is in fact illusive and limiting.
It is said, that if we were to walk in the shoes of someone exactly as they did throughout their lives, we would make the very same choices that they did. While this is not an excuse for negative behaviors and choices, it is a valuable explanation and a beautiful portal for understanding and compassion to flow.
Many of us are currently operating from what I call, The Accumulated Self. This Self comprises of our personality, socialization, conditioning, past experiences, beliefs, ideas, memories, perceived wounds, hurt and pain. This Self is the sum total of our interactions with our environment and our related perceptions.
For a vast majority of persons, The Accumulated Self is severely hurt and wounded from its past experiences. Because these wounds were never dealt with, they became a part of us, shaping the way we see and interact with the world. Eventually, unknowingly to us, we then share and inflict the same pain and hurt we felt and feel with those around us.
This is profoundly captured in Sandra Wilson's memorable quote, "Hurt people, hurt people."
It is very easy to judge someone based on what we perceive is presented. However, as the old saying goes, "Never judge a book by its cover." A person is so much more than The Accumulated Self, so much more than what we perceive.
I agree, it is sometimes challenging to separate The Accumulated Self from the True Self. The True Self that is an eternal, Divine Soul having a human experience, especially, when we are negatively impacted. However, if we remind ourselves in every moment that, we are all on our journey of evolution and we are all continuously growing and expanding, this will help to bring us peace and understanding in our interactions with others.
The other less known part of the, Hurt People, Hurt People quote is, Whole People, Heal People. If you recognize a pattern of hurt in someone based on their words and actions, allowing this understanding to guide your response will be in your best interest and the best interest of the other person.
This understanding has the ability to prevent you from being negatively affected by a hurt person's, unconscious re-actions, help you maintain your inner peace and sanity, removes the need to judge and condemn, eliminates the requisite to forgive, opens up the door for the person's healing and allows love to flow.
The next time you are faced with someone's 'unkind' words or actions, remember to call forth understanding, knowing that they too, just like you, are on their journey of evolving into being the best possible version of themselves.
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