What Are You Looking For In A Partner?
A couple weeks ago, a friend asked me a very specific question, "What are you looking for in a partner?" I laughed heartily because it was only a couple days before, I pondered the same question.
When I was much younger, I believed I knew exactly what I wanted in a partner. I had an extensive list of criteria I looked for, as I am sure most of us did. My list entailed a detailed description, including, tall and athletic built, sapodilla complexion, educated, working for a triple figure salary or has his own business, drives his own car, has his own home or working towards it and preferably no kids.As faith would have it, quite a few of the guys I dated, more or less possessed most of the requirements on my list. The list became my guide for selecting the person I chose to give my attention to. The challenge with my list however, was the fact that it was very superficial and very limited. It failed to consider more pertinent, heart centered factors which were the real determinants for a quality, healthy relationship.
The thing is, I was only a teenager when I made that list and at that age, both the information and the experience I had under my belt was extremely narrow, limited and mostly vicarious. Nonetheless, this framework became the basis from which I chose my partners as an adult. I was essentially making important life decisions, from a 15 year old's consciousness.
I believe, our experiences are our very best teachers. Through different life situations, we receive continuous feedback about ourselves, giving us several opportunities to make adjustments, to affect the change we want to experience in our outer world.
This was exactly my realization after countless heartbreaks, several frustrated encounters and numerous disappointments. However, in spite of the pain and confusion, each and every one of my relationships presented me with golden opportunities for my growth and expansion, empowering me with real insight and wisdom.
The pain I experienced, was actually a blessing in disguise. I used the pain as a catalyst to look deeply within myself, which showed me how I was unconsciously creating these less than desirable experiences because of my beliefs, because of my limited framework.
My relationships were also extremely instrumental in fueling my inner healing. They helped me transcend my false beliefs about relationships. They showed me how to love myself first and helped me to recognize that I am whole and complete.
One of the most important lessons I learnt from my past relationship experiences was, the true purpose of a romantic union. I learnt that this type of connection between two beings, is really a sacred partnership designed to facilitate both parties growth and expansion and is not designed to gratify each other.
My past relationship adventures, were also extremely instrumental in helping me to determine what I truly wanted to experience in a romantic partnership, not from a child's viewpoint but from a healed space of awareness.
The experiences also helped me to answer my friend's question with great clarity.
My current list now looks like this:
1. Committed to doing his inner work
2. Committed to his healing
3. Committed to his growth and expansion (and the growth and expansion of others)
4. One who knows he is whole and complete
5. One whose life is in service to the Divine
6. One whose life is in alignment with love
7. One who is living life on purpose
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